Say to yourself, “I exist. I know that for sure. I exist. I exist. That’s all I know. I’m ignorant of everything else, but I do know that I exist because here I am.” And, as you keep saying this to yourself, “I exist,” you begin to put more space between “I” and “exist.” “I… exist.” Say that to yourselves — “I… exist, ””I… exist.”
If you’re doing this correctly you’ll soon find that “I” and “exist” are two separate words. In other words you’ll come to the conclusion that you exist as I. You’ll have to ask yourself, ponder, “Who is this I that exists? What is I?” You never answer. It will come to you of it’s own accord. When you sleep and you awaken you say, “I slept.” When you dream you say, “I had a dream.” And when you’re awake, of course, you say, “I am awake.” But that I is always there. You start to inquire within yourself, “What is this I that exists at all times? It exists when I’m asleep, when I’m awake, when I dream. Who is this I?” And now the inquiry starts. “Where does this I come from? From whence cometh the I?” You ask yourself. The answers are within yourself. And you keep asking yourself over, and over, and over again, “From whence cometh the I? Where does the I come from?” Or, “Who am I?” And you wait a little while, and you repeat the same question, “Where does the I come from?”
While you’re doing that, you follow the I deep, deep within. You keep following the I. You go deeper and deeper into the I. “Where does this I come from? Who is this I?” Whatever answer comes to you is the wrong answer. Do not accept it but do not deny it. You simply put it aside. And you continue with the self-inquiry. “Who am I?” And you wait. And you ask again, “Who am I?” It is not a mantra. Where did the I come from? How did it get there? Who gave it birth? What is the source of the I? You continue to abide in the I.
As you continue this process someday something will happen. To some people it comes like an explosion within, where all your thoughts are wiped away. For you see, I is the first pronoun, and every thought that you have in the world is attached to the I. It is secondary. Think about that. Whatever you have to say about yourself has I in it. Everything in the world is about yourself. I am going to the movies. I am going bowling. I feel like crying. I feel terrible. I feel wonderful. I feel sick. I feel well. There’s always an I, I, I. What is this I, and what is it all about? Everything is attached to the I. Subsequently, when the I is wiped out, everything else is wiped out and the troubles are over. All thoughts go with the I.
Now there’s no answer to “Who am I?” When you get to the answer there will be emptiness, a void. You will be of the unborn. But it is not a void like you think. It is not emptiness like you think. For want of a better word you can call it godliness, nirvana, sat-chit-ananda, bliss consciousness, absolute reality. It doesn’t matter what name you give it. You will become that, and there will be no explanation. You will just become that, and you will feel a profound peace that you have never felt before. You will feel a bliss that is unqualified. You will try to explain it to yourself and to your friends, but you cannot, for the finite cannot comprehend the infinite. There are no words.
Robert Adams
Excerpt from: Satsang
‘I … exist’
